crash bam boom

I step out the front door and pull out my phone as I think, gee, I need to be careful on these stairs... and kablam. One leg goes one way and the other goes for the stars. four or five stairs later I am desperately slamming my thumb on the disconnect button so that my sister won't hear me writhing in agony. I lay at the bottom of the stairs my jaw clenched against a scream of pain and and frustration. First I think god I hope my landlord didn't hear that. THen I think fuck him! This is bull shit Ive been complaining since the fall about the water running off the roof and not draining off the steps. IM GOING TO KICK HIS FUCKING ASS! Then I think, WAIT... I never told the landlord this... I TOLD MIKE! WHO NEVER SAID ANYTHING TO THE LANDLORD! IM GOING TO KICK HIS FUCKING ASS! He never shoveled after the last storm! He was home all day and didn't spread a drop of salt! What if I was pregnant right now? What if I was carrying a baby? What if I was carrying my computer? All of this I think in a matter of seconds before I gather my sense of sanity and decorum and the feeling of icy roof water saturating my yoga pants shocks me into action. I move and everything hurts. Nothing broken I quickly assess. And then the dogs begin to bark and I hobble to my car, throw myself inside where I can lick my wounds in private. There are four or five welts on my right leg, my ankle is sprained and a giant bruise forming on the back of my left leg. No blood, check. I start the car and burst into tears. TEARS! why am I crying? I'm fine I tell myself but I can't stop sobbing. I'm so fucking mad and hurt and embarrassed, and I keep wondering at how emotional I feel. I blow my nose, order my eyes to stop flooding and flex my stiff foot on the gas. I hate, hate, hate ice.